35: don't "just be positive"
"just be positive" never worked for me until i started to rewire the underlying mechanism of negative thinking
in the short term, practicing gratitude and appreciation can definitely work (especially w another person/ppl)
but on its own, it doesn't really last because it starts to feel coercive and contrived... veers into toxic positivity
in the long term, what's seemed way more effective (albeit slower) is developing the habit of inquiring into the "Objectivity" of my thoughts:
how true is this thought? who would i be without this thought? how much can i actually control what i think? what changes if i do/don't buy into this story?
i haven't watched it since it came out, but i'm reminded of the Joker movie. the main character seems to be a perfect example of the worst-case-scenario of Positivity Culture. on one hand, the Joker represents an obvious Return of the Repressed - "just smile!"
on the other hand, my layperson understanding of the archetypal manic-schizo = believing all your thoughts. (then acting on them.) similar to Homelander from the Boys and Tyler Durden from fight club, these villains/anti-heroes are adopted into alt-right or incel culture not because they're pure evil but because they give voice and agency to the fantasy of the repressed.
i don't think the solution is either/or. deconstruction without healthy/stable ego structures can create the same (if not unpredictably worse) outcomes as blatant shadow exile. i think both r necessary for integration.
2 pointers that feel important to me here:
1/ "the number of beautiful things in my life is directly proportional to my ability to see them" — Brett Kistler AND:
2/ “if you do not know how to ask the right question, you discover nothing.” — W. Edwards Deming